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Welcome to John A.'s Beloved Hearts Memorial

John A.'s Beloved Hearts Memorial

Memories of John A.

MEMORIES OF JOHN

There are so many memories I do not even know where to begin. I never thought I would be writing this for you. We are soul mates and I thought we would be together for a much longer time.
Little did I know that you would be taken from me so suddenly last month. You called and said you thought you were having a heart attack on March 16, 2015. I came right over and called 911.
By the time I got to the hospital just a few minutes later and saw all the people in the room, I got really scared. They said you had an aortic dissection and there was nothing they could do to save you. On March 18th at 11:55 A.M. you passed. I am still numb and in shock.
I have been going through all the pictures and cards and letters from you. I am trying to set up a very beautiful memorial for you, but because of my grief over this sudden loss of you it is taking me a long time.

John, you were the only man I ever truly loved, through thick and thin, good and bad, and all the times in between. I love and miss you so much. Your heart literally broke, and mine is broken because you are no longer with me. I got a small open heart charm that I put with Charity’s split heart charm that I am now wearing around my neck to symbolize 2 broken hearts. About 10 yrs. Ago you got me a Rainbows Bridge ring. About a week before you passed you turned it around on my finger so only the gold was showing and said that’s our wedding ring. I will treasure it always.

You were the most loving, caring and giving person I ever knew. You cared about everybody and everything, but not enough about yourself.

You loved fishing, playing chess, cards, going to the casino, watching the birds and ducks, and the mangoes growing on my tree by the canal. You and I also loved animals (especially, Charity) who passed on March 21st, 2003. You never stopped missing her and talked about her every week when we were playing cards.

You were born at Brooklyn Jewish Hospital and I was born at Mercy Hospital (a Catholic Hospital).
I put this in for a reason.

It will be explained in a story I wrote shortly after Charity passed. I don’t remember who it was, but I asked to submit a short story about Lost and Found Loves. I did write, but the person who asked for it only got 3 that were good, mine being one of them. I am going to put this story in next which will explain everything.
I just wrote Part 2 to Destiny as to all the changes since then.
I will always love you.

Until we meet again.
Miriam

DESTINY

For all those who were teenagers back in the 1950's, and remember Alan Freed, American Bandstand and the “Submarine races, etc, this should be a story that brings back the “good old days”, and a lot of memories.

I graduated High School in 1959 in a small town in Long Island, New York, My plans were to go to Nursing School in NYC in September. That summer, my dad, who was a manager in a department store got me a summer job.

John, who was on a summer break from college, was working in the same store for the summer. He said that he first saw me pushing a rack of clothing into a stockroom, and knew instantly that I was the one for him. I first saw him in the employee lounge. It was instant chemistry for me. I remember the jukebox playing, “There Goes My Baby” by the Drifters. He came over to me and we started to talk as if there was not enough we could say to each other.

I don't remember this, but he said I got his phone number out of his wallet.

We kept meeting in the lounge, and he came to the floor where I worked many times. I made the first move by calling him and inviting him over, which was quite brazen in those days.

I am Jewish and he is Catholic. Most parents were against that back then. We started dating and I knew I was in love. Before I started Nursing School, he got me a necklace with a silver chain and a silver heart with a pearl in the middle. For his birthday, which was 3 months later, I got him a tie tac with a small pearl in the middle which had gold around it.
My mom objected to the relationship, But I was stubborn and did not want to give him up. His mom wanted him to be a priest, and he was an only child. She was relentless in breaking us up. She succeeded after almost 2 years of this off again, on again relationship.

I was heartbroken , and barely made it through nursing school. I didn't want to date anyone, but some of my classmates dragged me to a school dance, where I met someone on the rebound, and married him one year later. Of course, he was Jewish. On our first anniversary, I was in the hospital and gave birth to a baby boy.

I knew it was not right from the beginning, but, believe it or not I stuck it out for 29 years. I had kept all of John's love letters, and read them every now and then. Just before my 50th birthday, in 1991, I became very nostalgic, and started trying to find old girlfriends from high school, which I did.

In April of 1991, I saw a movie that was made for TV, called “For The First Time” with the theme song “For Your Precious Love”. It took place around 1959, and was about a Jewish boy and a Catholic girl. This relationship was broken up by the parents. They both married others, and many years later ran into each other. It was obvious that the love was still there, but they did nothing about it. Several weeks

later, I was reading a novel and John's full name was a fictional character in the book. I felt that I was being given signs to find him. I had no idea what his situation was, or where he was. I was living in Florida at the time. I called information in New York, gave his name, and got a phone number. It took me about two more months to get up the nerve to find out what his situation was. I asked my sister to call. She found out that he was divorced, had 2 children, that he brought up himself and expressed his interest in talking to me.

I had already decided I was finally going to leave the marriage. I called him, and it was like 30 years had just vanished. We talked continually for about 8 months. During this time we sent pictures of ourselves, family, and his 2 dogs and 1 cat, and my 3 cats, Faith, Hope, and Charity. Also, we talked about the necklace and tie tac, which he said that he could not find, and I sent him something similar for Christmas.

My divorce was final in Dec, 1991. We agreed that I would fly to New York for a visit in Feb., 1992. During this visit, John found the missing tie tac. After this visit we were on the phone almost daily, and I made 4 more trips, and by the spring of 1993, after all the expenses of phone bills and airplane flights, we decided that I would move back to NY and live with him. I left my son with 2 of the cats, Faith and Hope who were sisters by birth. Charity was flown to NY several weeks later as she was my special friend.

For the first birthday, I had back in N. Y., I found a ring that matched the necklace he got me so many years ago, and he got it for me for my birthday.

During the first few years, John's daughter got married and divorced, and then became a police officer and is now a detective. His son, who was a Priest, left the priesthood, got married, had 3 children, and is now divorced. My son got married and divorced to the same person twice and is now living with her.

Also during the first few years, my mom had to go from her condo to an assisted living facility, and is now in a nursing home in New Jersey, near my sister. John's mom is in an assisted living facility on Long Island. My aunt, who had her own apartment in N.Y., and was never married also had to be placed in a nursing home. She passed away in 2001.

All the animals were gone, except for my Charity who was the little princess we both loved.

In April of the year 2000, I had to get out of N.Y., and come back to Florida, as I was constantly getting sick. John was not ready to leave N. Y. I came back with Charity, and moved into an apartment complex close to my son.

About 1 and a half years later, after 3 two week visits, and a continuing long distance relationship, John came down to Florida and got his own apt. in the same complex as mine. This was okay with me, because even though the love was there, we did have issues..

I was having financial difficulties due to job problems and needed surgery, and filed for disability in April of 2002, and then moved in with John.

Do we have a perfect relationship? NO, of course not, who does? But, love is there. We have been through a lot together, especially because we are part of the “sandwich generation.” We just lost our little princess, which has affected us both deeply.

We missed the 20's, 30's and 40's together, but for whatever time we have left, which destiny will determine, I believe we were meant to be together.

DESTINY

PART 2

There have been many changes since I wrote Destiny. John's son got remarried. My mother passed away in 2004 and John's mother passed away in 2009.
My son got divorced.
In June of 2003 John thought it was better if I lived with my son as there were many issues involved.
In November of 2003 I got a 3 y/o cat and named her Cami after Charity. She was also a Maine Coon.
She passed away in July, 2014.
Throughout all this John and I stayed very close and the love was always there. Due to aging and disabilities on both of our parts, we could no longer do a lot of the things we used to do.

Now, the worst of all, on March 16, 2015, John had an aortic dissection and passed away on March 18th 2015.

Now I do not know what my destiny is since all these losses and the shocking and sudden loss of John.

All I can do is go day by day, and believe that John is with me in spirit and that we will meet again.
This is all very sad and lonely, but that is what Destiny has determined.

Dear John,
I added some pictures today(Memorial Day) of your home Memorial that I did. The Rainbows Bridge ring, and the back which you called our wedding ring about a week before you passed. Your picture and memory album and some treasured items.In the dark blue box I have the 2 tie tacs, the pearl ring and necklace, the wings I got you after your first airplane trip, and the angel pin I gave you. I hope you can see this and that you like it. I am missing you so much and the feelings and pain do not stop.
Love always.
Miriam (05/25/2015)

Dear John,
I hope you are doing and feeling well in Heaven. I miss and love you so much. It is Sunday and tomorrow will be 2 months since you passed. I've been writing in a journal and told you all about Mary's visit. I hope you were here in spirit. I keep looking for signs from you, but have not been able to pick up on any. Please send me some signs so I will know you are with me.
It is so very hard being without you.
Normally I would have been getting ready to come to your place now, but there is nothing normal now.
Wait for me with Charity & Cami.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam

Dear John,
It is 3 months today since you went to Heaven. Not a moment goes by that I am not thinking of you. I hope you are doing well and enjoying Heaven. I miss you and love you so much and I always will. I don't think I will ever get over this, and anyone I talk to says I won't. So, I don't know what to do except live with memories. Marilyn sent me a beautiful poem which I just read to your picture. I hope you heard it and that somehow you will see this. The poem is called "When Tomorrow Starts without Me". It is too long to put on here, but so sad and so beautiful at the same time.
Wait for me with Charity, Cami, and all the other pets we had.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (06/18/2015)

Dear John,
This is the Father's Day without you. I hope it will be a good one in Heaven for you. You are sorely loved & missed here. Happy Father's Day.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam
06/21/2015

Dear John,
It is 4 months today since you went to Heaven. Nothing has changed for me. It still feels like it was yesterday. I talk to you all the time and I do hope you hear me. I love you and miss you and always will. I am going 1 day at a time, but nothing changes. I am pretty sure you are with Charity, Cami, and all the pets we both had. Please wait for me there. Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (07/18/2015)

Dear John,
It is now 5 months since you passed. I still feel the same way. I hope you are enjoying your afterlife. Things have been really tough here. Steve got very sick and was in the hospital for 5 days. It turnrd out to be food poisoning from chicken that was undercooked. He is still not himself, but hopefully on the road to recovery. I am really wiped out from your passing and I was so scared I would lose him too. Of course this has put us in more financial trouble. I wish you could send something from Heaven. I talk to you all the time and I hope you hear me. I love you and miss you so much.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (08/18/2015)

Dear John,
It is now 6 whole long months since you went to Heaven. I cannot stop thinking about you and loving and missing you. I really lost a part of myself which I am sure went with you. I still talk to you all the time, but unfortunately cannot hear your voice or hold your hand anymore.
Steve is feeling better now, thank God. Twice over the last week I went into 2 places that had the radio on and both times "I Will Always Love You" came on. Were those signs from you? I hope so. My birthday is in 5 days. It will be the 1st without you in many years. I put out 1 of the cards you had given me before. I hope you will let me know you are with me in spirit.
I hope you are at peace in the afterworld and still at Rainbows Bridge with Charity, Cami and all the pets we had. Please wait there for me.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (09/18/2015)

Dear John,
It is now 7 months since you went to Heaven. I still think about you all the time and talk to your picture. I sure wish you could answer me. I will never stop loving and missing you. I keep looking for signs from you, but if you're sending them I just am not getting them. I again hope you are at peace in the afterworld, and still with Charity & Cami and all the other pets we had.
Today is Sunday and if you were still here I would be coming to your place. You might be interested to know that the Dolphins have been losing and last week the head coach was fired and today will be the 1st game with a new coach. Wish we could see it together like we always did.
Again, please wait for me at R.B.
All the holidays are coming up, but I am not really looking forward to them without you.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (10/18/2015)

Dear John,
Today is 8 months since you went to Heaven. My thoughts and feelings are always with you. I keep talking to you and wish you could answer me. I am still not aware of any signs you may be sending. Please keep trying. I hope you are happy and at peace in Heaven, and still with Charity, Cami, and all the pets we have. I love you and miss you more than you know. Next week is Thanksgiving and you know I lost both my dad and aunt on that day, different years, and this is the first without you in many years. Very bittersweet. I hope you all have a good one in Heaven, and hopefully will be with me & Steve in spirit.
Until we meet again.
Love always.
Miriam (11/18/2015)

Dear John,
Happy Thanksgiving to you and all my loved ones in Heaven. I am hoping you will all be with us in spirit today. Miss you, miss you, and love you.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (11/26/2015)

Dear John,
It is 9 months today since you went to Heaven. I am still not doing well without you. I still talk to you(silently) and will probably never stop loving & missing you. I sure hope you are enjoying the afterlife, feel well, and are happy. I will be writing several times in the next 2 wks. Your birthday, Christmas, and New Years. Nothing is the same without you.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (12/18/2015)

Dear John,
Happy, happy birthday. Now I can say it. I would rather you were still here and not say it. For the last # of years you didn't want anyone to say it. I hope all is well with you and that you are having a big party in Heaven. I love you and miss you so much.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (12/23/2015)

Dear John,
Merry Christmas in Heaven. I hope you are well and enjoying it. I miss you and love you and I am sorry we are not together today. Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (12/25/2015)

Dear John,
Happy New Years to you in Heaven. This is the first without you in 24 yrs. I could not stop thinking about you and some of the past ones when we were together. Very sad. Love you and miss you as always.
Love always,
Miriam (01/01/2016)

Dear John,
It is now 10 months since you went to Heaven. I hope you are doing very well. I will never stop loving and missing you, and silently talking to you. Things have been very tough here, but I don't want to write about that now.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (01/18/2016)

Dear John,
Happy Valentine's Day to you in Heaven from me. The last card I got from you was last year on Valentine's Day. I will be looking at it today with loving memories. I have not been able to get you off my mind. I love you and miss you.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (02/14/2016)

Dear John,
It is 11 months today since you went to Heaven. I hope you are happy and feeling well. I talk to your picture many times during the day and wish you could answer me. I will never stop loving and missing you.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (02/18/2016)

Dear John,
It is 1 yr. today since you went to Heaven. That is so hard for me to believe. I remember every detail of that time, and probably will never forget it. I love you and miss you so much.I hope you are happy where you are and feeling like your old self. I keep talking to you daily and hope you hear me.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (03/18/2016)

Dear John,
It is 13 months today since you went to Heaven. As always I hope you are well and happy. Judy & Ed were here for a few days. We went to a movie and suddenly "Smoke gets in your Eyes" came on and I started crying and couldn't stop for the rest of the movie. Then on the way home we were sitting at a light. I was in the back of the rental car and we got hit from behind. Thank God, we did not get hurt. Maybe you gave me 2 signs, with the song and making sure we were ok. I hope so. I told you when talking to your picture as I always do. I can't stop missing you and loving you. I don't think I ever will.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (04/18/2016)

Dear John,
It is 14 months today since you went to Heaven. I do hope you are well and happy. I talk to your picture all the time and keep wishing you could answer me. I cannot stop loving and missing you.
There are so many things that go on and I so miss being able to discuss them with you. As far as I know there have not been any more signs. Please let me know you are with me in spirit.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (05/18/2016).

Dear John,
It is the 2nd Memorial Day without you. I put a flag that Steve got today with your Memorial in the den. I hope somehow you know I did and can see it. I hope you are feeling well and happy in Heaven. I still am not sure what to do with the rest of my life without you. You are always on my mind and I miss you terribly. I don't think that will ever change.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (05/30/2016)

Dear John,
15 months today since you have been in Heaven. As always, I hope you are well & happy there. I will not stop missing you, loving you , and needing you. I still keep talking to you and hope you do hear me. Since tomorrow is Father's Day, I also wish you a Happy Father's Day in Heaven.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (06/18/2016)

Dear John,
16 months today since you've been in Heaven. I really hope you are well and happy there. I will never stop loving, missing, and needing you. I talk to you all the time and do hope you hear me. You were right about the world. Everything is messed up. Please watch over me.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (07/18/2016)

Dear John,
17 months today since you have been in Heaven. As always I hope you are happy & well there. I still talk to you all the time and hope you hear me. I will never stop loving, missing, wanting, and needing you. Please keep watching over Steve and myself. We do need divine assistance.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (08/18/2016)

Dear John,
It is exactly 18 months at this moment since you went to Heaven. As always I hope you are well and happy there. It is Sunday and the Dolphins are playing today. I would have been coming to your place at half-time if you were still here. I cannot ever stop loving, missing, wanting and needing you. Please send us some Divine Assistance as we really need it.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (09/18/2016)

Dear John,
It is now 19 months since you went to Heaven. I do hope you are still well and happy there. My life has been so empty since you left. I will never stop loving, missing wanting and needing you. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you hear me when I talk to you which I do everyday. We still need some Divine Assistance, now more than ever. Please send some and keep watching over Steve and I.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (10/18/2016)

Dear John,

It is 20 months today since you went to Heaven. As I always say, I do hope you are well and happy there. Nothing has changed for me. It is so lonely since you left. I will never stop missing, loving, wanting & needing you. Also, I do hope you hear me when I talk to you everyday. Please, as always keep watching over Steve and me.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (11/18/2016)

Dear John,
It is now the 2nd Thanksgiving without you. I do hope you are with all of my loved ones and yours, and are having a big party and enjoy it. Steve and I miss you so much. When we have our dinner I hope you will be with us in spirit. I love and miss you more than you will ever know.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (11/24/2016)

Dear John,
It is 21 months today since you went to Heaven. It seems like so long ago, and yet it seems like yesterday. I do hope you are well and happy there. In a few days it would have been your birthday here and in 1 week it will be Christmas. Nothing is right for me without you. With some urging from Steve I put up the tree as a tribute and memorial to you. I hope you can see it. I hope you will be with us in spirit and that I will know it. I will never stop loving and missing you.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (12/18/2016)

Dear John,
Happy, Happy Birthday to you in Heaven. I cannot stop thinking about how much nicer it would be if you were here. I hope you have a big party in Heaven. Again, I hope you are well and happy there. I love and miss you everyday. Please be with us in spirit and somehow let me know it.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (12/23/2016)

Dear John,
Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah. I hope you are enjoying the holidays in Heaven with all of our pets, families etc. Steve and I miss you all so very much. I hope you will all be with us in Spirit for dinner tonight and let us know. I love and miss you as always.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (12/25/2016)

Dear John,
Happy 2017. As always, I hope you are well & happy in Heaven. I will never stop loving and missing you. I hope you are celebrating with all our families and pets. If possible, please be with Steve and I in spirit.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (01/01/2017)

Dear John,
It is 22 months today since you went to Heaven, Hope you are well & happy. You have no idea how much I miss you and love you everyday. Last night I watched a movie about a couple who were high school sweethearts. They went to a reunion 20 yrs. later. Of course they ended up getting married. It made me cry and I wanted so much to be with you. I keep talking to your picture and hoping you hear me.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (01/18/2017)

Dear John,
Happy Valentine's Day to you in Heaven. I sure wish we were together today. Nothing is the same without you. I love you and miss you so much.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (02/14/2017)

Dear John,
It is 23 months today since you went to Heaven. As always, I hope you are well and happy. I keep getting images of so many of the times we spent together throughout the years. I wish we could go back and start over again. I will never stop loving and missing you. I hope somehow you are with me in spirit as I am writing this.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (02/18/2017)

Dear John,
I cannot believe it is 2 yrs. today since you went to Heaven. As always I hope you are well & happy. I just wish you were still here with me. I love you and miss you all the time. I talk to you everyday and hope you hear me. I hope your spirit is here right now as I am writing this. I really have not moved on since you left. I wish I could, but it very difficult.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (03/18/2017

Dear John,
I just wanted to wish you a Happy Easter in Heaven. I hope you are well and happy and enjoying it. As always I love and miss you so much. I could use some divine assistance and wisdom right now. Please send me some.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (04/16/2017)

Dear John,
It is 2 yrs. and 1 month today since you went to Heaven. I probably will never stop counting as my feelings for you will never change. As always, I hope you are well and happy.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (04/18/2017)

Dear John.
It is now 2 yrs. and 2 months since you went to Heaven. As always I hope you are well and happy. I cannot stop thinking about you and everything that happened, but I do keep remembering the good times we had together.
I love and miss you so very much everyday and keep wishing you were still here. We are doing somewhat better now. If you had anything to do with it, Thank You.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Miriam (05/18/2017)

 

Survived by:

Soulmate, Miriam, Dtr. Mary, Son, John A. Javis, and 3 grandchildren.


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