Memories of John (Jack)
I still can't believe that the only way I can talk to you is through a computer. You're supposed to be here with us helping us to get through this life as a family. The world has changed so much since you died; more than anyone could have ever imagined....
I will never ever forget that morning on July 4, 2000, when Mom called me. I didn't catch it in time. I called right back, expecting it to be you, teasing me for not having left for work already. The world changed forever when Mom answered and said that she thought you had died in your sleep. By the time I ran downstairs and across the breezeway, the ambulance had pulled up. I waited downstairs in the living room with Mom while the paramedics went up to your bedroom. They came down a couple of minutes later and said they were very sorry but there wasn't anything they could do.....
Time stood still for us at that point...there had to have been some horrible mistake. You had always been very healthy; you couldn't possibly not be here anymore. You hadn't even had a chance to really look at the scrapbook that Lynda and I had made for you and Mom when we threw you a surprise party on your 40th anniversary in May.
The next few hours and days were just a blur, and yet at the same time they are forever etched in my mind....the paramedics left after calling the police. Mom asked me if I wanted to go and say goodbye to you. I couldn't believe that you weren't just sleeping, and would open your eyes any moment.
We all knew that it was a horrible mistake. Someone had made a huge miscalculation...The day you left us, it stormed like crazy. The Heavens completely opened up and it poured like it would never stop....just as our tears flowed like they would never stop. Aunt Betty caught a plane out the next day and stayed with Mom for the next few days. Mom, Lynda and I went to the funeral home and made arrangements for your memorial service, but it was so surreal -- just a horrible dream. The night before your memorial, there was an ever wilder storm; when it was over the next morning, we weren't even sure that everyone would be able to get to the service -- there was so much debris strewn all over the streets. The Heavens were crying for you, too...
May 30, 2009
As I sit here on the 3rd anniversary of Maxx's entry to the Rainbow Bridge, I can't believe that almost nine years have passed since you left us. We need you so much, Dad...the world is a very sad place now. Nothing will ever be the same again for anyone; it just gets worse and worse, and you aren't here to help us. Mom especiallly needs you so much; she feels so alone and lost without you.
We were all at Mom's place last week to celebrate Lynda's birthday. After the presents and cake, Mom got out the video that Lynda and I had made during the surprise 40th anniversary party that we gave you guys. I hadn't seen it for several years, and it made me miss you more than ever. If we had only had an idea that two short months later, you would be gone forever, we would have taken so much more video. That short 13 minutes just isn't enough to last for a lifetime.
Lynda and I would give anything to be able to have more time with you..and Christopher is really a wonderful young man. You would love him so much. He is turning into a great chef and hopes to be able to do this with his life. He has had a really hard time, too, and could sure use your guidance in his life.
Please stay close to us, Dad, and let us feel your presence in our lives. I promise to try to do what I can to make you proud of me. I love you so much, Dad, and I miss you like crazy....
Please look after my beautiful furbabies, Dusty, Misty, and Maxx, who are on the Rainbow Bridge. Tell them how much I love and miss them, too, and know that one day, we will all be reunited forever. I love you, Dad!!
July 4, 2010
I love you!! How can ten years have gone by without us seeing you? We miss you so very much...The whole world is a very different and very unhappy place now. There is no more laughter in our lives; absolutely nothing to look forward to. It is all that we can do to just get through each day now. The only times that we are ever happy anymore is when we are remembering times gone by. You would never recognize this world now -- everything has changed, and not for the better. Things are going from bad to worse. I know that Mom still writes to you every night and tells you what is going on. She feels so alone without you. It was so hard for her to get through what would have been your 50th anniversary. I will always be grateful that Lynda and I gave you guys a surprise party on your 40th anniversary. We had already started thinking about what we could get you for the 50th. We sure never dreamed that that day would never come. I would give anything to be able to have you back with us. Someone made such a huge mistake on that terrible day ten years ago. You should have still been here with us. We need your advice about so many things. I know that you wouldn't be able to change the way the world is now, but if we could at least share it with you, it wouldn't seem so bad. I miss just being able to play cards with you, especially crib, and talk about things. You would be so proud of the young man that Christopher has grown into. I can't believe that he's going to be 21 next month. Lynda has done an amazing job raising him. She misses you so very much, too. I know that you have a lot to do up there, and that you are taking wonderful care of all of our furbabies that are up there. You also have many friends and all of our grandparents to visit, too. The only glimmer of happiness that Mom ever has these days is her love for country music. Her favorite artist, Brad Paisley, has a wonderful song about "Waiting on a Woman"....I can just picture you sitting on a park bench up there, "waiting on your woman"....I hope for our sakes that you still have a long wait. Just know how much you are loved and missed, Dad! Please keep watching over us. I love you!!
I can't believe it...How is it possible that Lynda suddenly joined you this morning??? I don't know how to begin to go on without her. It was impossibly hard to keep going when you left us so suddenly 10 years ago, but at least there were still four of us here, and Lynda helped us all stay together. We knew from the time she was born that she wasn't supposed to live, but she kept beating the odds over and over again her whole life. When she got into her late 40's, we just assumed that she would keep going. She was so looking forward to her 50th birthday in a few months. I don't know what we're going to do without her. When Mom phoned me at 5:15 this morning and said that Chris had called her because his Mom was coughing up so much blood, I knew it sounded bad but I still assumed she would survive once more. She had been sick with the 'flu for quite a while but was finally getting better. I told Mom I would meet her down at the car...she had already called an ambulance for Lynda. Chris phoned me a few minutes later and said that the paramedics were still not there yet, after being called twice!! I told him to call them again himself right away and we would be there in just a few minutes. The whole time I was driving there was just surreal...I could not believe that anything truly bad was about to happen. When I pulled into the back lane at Lynda and Chris' place, I could see the reflection of the lights from the first responder unit and as we got closer, the ambulance. When we pulled up behind the ambulance, I could see that they were performing CPR on Lynda....That's when it became so terrifyingly real. Poor Chris was standing beside Lynda's van, frantic, and not knowing what to do with himself. He just pounded his fist on the van. He saw us and came running over to us. The stupid paramedics wasted so much time getting there and then when they finally showed up, instead of taking her to the hospital 1 1/2 blocks away, they wasted more time working on her there in the ambulance. They finally took her to the hospital about 15 minutes later and Mom, Chris and I drove over there behind them. It wasn't even 5 minutes later that the doctor came out and told us that she was gone....It was impossible to believe. I know that you were there waiting for her and she had missed you so much, too, Dad, but we still need her so much down here. How do we possibly survive without her??? She was always our rock; always the extremely brave one. They led us into the Resus area where she was laying on a bed. She was so pale and so blue. We sat with her for about 30 minutes, trying to come to terms with what had happened. As I watched her, the sheet on top of her left leg started to turn red, as the blood from her poor veins broke through once more, even after she was gone. After saying our final goodbyes to her, we went back to the family room so that Mom could make a few phone calls. Chris is just beside himself....He wants to move to our building and we will talk to Loretta (the new manager) right away about finding an apartment for him to rent in our block. Please Dad, take care of my little sister, and know that I love and miss both of you always!! Please, please, please don't let anything happen to Mom or Christopher....I can't survive by myself down here. I love you so much!!! Please wait for me to join you one day.....I love you, Dad. Tell Lynda how much I love her, too!!
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