Grieving:
The
loss of a Loved One
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Your martial relationship is the most important
relationship. Let it take presidency over all others.
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When a child dies, the grief affects both the husband and
wife at the same time. Other stresses in marriages usually
don't impact on both simultaneously. Therefore, your closest
support is not always able to respond to you to your needs,
because he or she is dealing with their own grief.
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Each person in a relationship must be allowed to grieve in
his or her own individual way. Learning to accept your
spouse's way can be difficult.
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Difficulties can arise in the best of marriages. Keep
working at communicating your emotional needs to each other.
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Your spouse doesn't have to be your sole supporter.
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There may be stresses in your sexual relationship. Openly
communicate your feelings. Touches and hugs can be very
healing.
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Each individual within relationship may need some privacy in
order to deal with his or her feelings. Respect each other
and give each other the space that is needed.
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When a parent loses a precious child, to death, they are
often changed. It may take time to accept and understand
these changes.
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Remembering special times and sharing laughter and tears
together helps the healing process. Sometimes, searching
for some relaxing things to do will give each a new
perspective.
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Sharing the healing time together often makes the marriage
relationship deeper.
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Each may have different ideas about what to do with the lost
child's memorabilia. Talk to each other and come to a joint
understanding.
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Your losses are from broken hopes and dreams. Each person
may have had different dreams for this special
child. Sharing your dreams may give each some insight into
the other's feelings.
WAYS TO SURVIVE AS A
COUPLE
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Seek an outside peer support group, clergy or professional
help
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Take time for each other, alone
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Set
a time to talk each day
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Work on your communication skills
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Pray together
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Give yourselves the time to adjust to your loss.
Catherine Lammert, National SHARE Office, October 1996
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